I won't lie about the last few weeks: they've been a tough bastard. Saying goodbye to London (for now) was harder than I thought. Packing was harder and more stress-laden than I hoped it would be, not helped when my suitcase decided to self-destruct just 5 minutes before I was supposed to set off for the coach station. At least that didn't make me late, as I knew Fuck's Law® (10x worse than Sod's Law) would have some shit lined up for me. After that, the journey back was problem-free. It was only when I got to my parent's house that it hit me.
I was back in Oswestry.
For those of you who have known me a long time, you will know why this is a bad thing. For those of you who haven't known me that long, some of my pre-2009 blog posts might shed some light on things, but basically, I spent a huge part of my life living in this town, only to see it slowly decay to the point that I once took a friend on a grand tour of the town centre, which we completed in 20 minutes and it made her toddler scream his head off. That was in 2008. I reckon I could do the same grand tour in about 10 minutes now. There's nothing left. I know some people don't see it like that, but there really isn't much going for this place now. Granted, there are some really nice views, but the town centre is dead. I left this place 2 and a half years ago for a very good reason and now I'm back.
Anyway, despite telling myself it's only a stop-gap whilst I get myself sorted, I've found it a real struggle. Being back in the middle of nowhere has hit me harder than being in London hundreds of miles away from my family did. To put it another way, the black dog has jumped on me and for the last week, it hasn't been letting go.
I've been fighting the bastard for a little while now, but I thought I was in control of it. The trouble is, I stupidly took myself off my medication while I was down in London, because I thought I was alright and that I was coping fine. I know I shouldn't have stopped so suddenly and I've really paid the price for it this last week. I realised I was slipping into a dark place though, so I got an appointment with my GP as soon as I could and he's put me back on my pills. I'm going to keep fighting this depression, because I know I'm not the only person to have made the same decision, only to find it wasn't the best one.
So, it has been harder than I thought it would be. The last few days in particular have been horrible, if I'm honest, but I've managed to fight it before and make good thigns happen, so I know now that I can do it again.
As always, thanks for reading and thank you to everyone who has been in touch and been supportive. It means a lot.
You are right Will, we've all done the same and thought we were ok to come off the meds, only to realise soon after what they actually do for us. You'll get there, just look after yourself and cocoon yourself if it helps. :) JoJo xx
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