Monday, 2 January 2012

How To Make The Most Of 2012... Maybe

So, 2011 has been and gone. Done. Finished. Fucked off. Gone to Coventry. It is an ex-year. You get the idea. 2012 is still a new, fresh year. Still innocent. Still... *shrugs shoulders*...

Anyway, most people like to mark the start of a new year by getting pissed out of their cockending skull-bones making a list of personal resolutions, which usually end up broken and shoved in a skip, wrapped in an old, soggy carpet within days. But for this year, I have been thinking about some of the things that might make this year better than the pile of sick that 2011 turned out to be. Here it goes...

  • The term "foodgasm" being replaced with "really nice food"
  • An end to "Ciao" being used by people who have no connections to Italy, as it is no-longer 1991
  • Playful Kittens should be available on long train/bus/plane journeys to help ease tension and boredom and... well, just because...
  • More people being made aware of this and this
  • A reduction of text speak, especially when a standard QWERTY keyboard is being used
  • The banning of Chris Moyles
  • More people smiling and learning to use the words "please" and "thank you"
  • A general reduction of fuckwittery everywhere
  • Buses being fitted with ejector seats to deal with wankfaces who insist on blasting shit music through their phone speakers and self-important twat-halls who refuse to give up their seats for the elderly and/or pregnant etc.
  • The right to use a taser in the magazine section of WHSmith
  • The right to use a taser on groups of people who spread out across a wide pavement
  • The right to use a taser on twats in general
  • The re-introduction of respect as a general concept, rather than as a meaningless, "cool" word... possibly by using tasers

And most importantly:
  • Some people should take things less seriously

  • More tasers.

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