Friday, 16 December 2011


I did something quite bold this week. A big step. Something that would probably make some people shit themselves inside out with shock. Something that some people would rather eat their own arms off than do. After this paragraph, there is a picture of what I did. Don't look if you are either extremely faint-hearted, or a self-obsessed twat with more hands than IQ points...

Don't hold your pissy breath, Mr Facebook...

That's right, I deactivated my Facebook account.

Now, I know for some people, doing something like that is a big deal. For some, like me, it's nothing. I just logged into my account on Thursday afternoon and went straight to the "Deactivate Account" option, then through the short, but annoying process of saying "Yes, I want to get the fuck off this glitter-covered turd of a site and no, I'm not after attention or a sob-laden plea from a pasty little twat in a suit" several times, before finally getting to the screen that you see a section of above. (The above description isn't the complete truth, but come on, Facebook, do you really need to keep asking "Are you sure you want to deactivate your account?" every time a new page pops up during the deactivation process?)

Anyway, it's done now and I really don't intend to revive my account at all. My mind could well change at a later date, but I really can't see it. The thing is, anyone who knows me well and has done so for a number of years will remember that in the early days of Facebook, you couldn't drag me away from it. I was on there way too much and I was always filling out stupid copy and paste Q & A things to pass the time, but as time went on, I stepped away a little bit from it, I posted less often, got rid of loads of "friends" on there because they had turned out to be anything but. Then, the format of the whole site started to get pissed about with every other week for no real reason or benefit to the user.

I also started to find that along with some long-lost friendly faces finding and adding me on there, there was a lot of long-lost twats trying to add me, then getting shitty when I wouldn't accept their requests. Another thing that started to worry/annoy/put me off has been the staggering amount of personal info that people are prepared to put on their profiles, without any thought as to who can read it all. Then, you get companies endlessly searching the site to make sure non of their employees are bad-mouthing them or uploading pics of themselves vomiting into packets of Corn Flakes, re-sealing them and putting them back on the shelf for sale.

Then we come to the status updates. The fucking status updates. A nice idea, but cocking hell, it's come to signify all that is wrong with the world today. On the whole, people's statuses started out in a fairly light-hearted fashion, sometimes jokey, sometimes serious or sad, but then it was like the whole thing had been taken over by ITV or The Sun and almost every status had been sub-contracted out to sensationalist journos who get the horn over ill-informed gossip and bullying. People started to air their dirty laundry in public. Whole domestic arguments now take place on Facebook via status updates and wall posts. Does anyone really want personal stuff like that displayed on such a worldwide outlet?

It doesn't stop at becoming an interactive version of The Jeremy Kyle Show, though, as that dark, wanky bastard known as bullying has been having a whale of a time on there. It's horrible, it's disgusting and it makes me sick to the point of... well, to the point of deactivating my account and not regretting it one bit.

The whole idea of "Social Networking" (what a smug, twatty term that is. Ugh) is great... if it's handled correctly. Play nicely, don't abuse it, don't abuse other people and don't give out your personal information so freely! I used to love Facebook, I really did, but it has gone so, so wrong. I know not everyone sees it for what it has become, but take a few steps back and look at it. Look at people's timelines. Look at your own. Is that how you want people to see you? Is that actually you? If you want that dream job and you want people to take you seriously, are you really going to achieve any of that if your profile boasts how you love to get "well fuckin stoned at da weekendz"? 

To some people, this is going to seem like a load of bitter and twisted bullshit, but this is not a cry for attention, it's more of a cry of despair. Have we really come to this!? Go on, take a look at your Facebook profile and those of who you follow. You might be shocked into making changes. You might even deactivate your account altogether, like I did. You might not change a thing. It's your call and this is all just my point of view and I'm sorry if it seems harsh.

But to those of you who may consider deactivating your account: as soon as I did it, it felt good. It won't change your life, but it might change how people see you.

Also, the name "Facebook" has always sounded wrong to me. It sounds more like a sick scrapbook belonging to a serial killer who is very good with a scalpel.

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